Rebuilding.
“Hard is trying to rebuild yourself, piece by piece, with no instruction book, and no clue as to where all the important bits are supposed to go.” — Nick Hornby, A Long Way Down
“Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty…I have never in my life envied a human being who has led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.” — President Theodore Roosevelt
Growth is messy. If there is one life lesson that I have learned and relearned throughout my life is that true growth is one of the hardest and messiest things that you will ever do. And will continue to do. Life is pain, highness, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
I am not the same person that I was five years ago and neither should you be. Five years ago this month I was living in my hometown and getting ready to start a job that I would be fired from not even two months later. I had no direction. No purposed. Even though I had assumed that I had both. I was a man adrift.
Rewind to two years earlier and I was living in Texas, working at a bank, and starting the process of getting back on my feet and living my life. Things were looking up. I thought I had everything. Until I got homesick. And spiraled into a deep depression because I wasn’t “home”. Which led me to moving back to the Pacific Northwest and a series of unexpected and unfortunate events that would lead me to living in my hometown and getting ready to start that job.
In the five years that have followed me losing my job and eventually being forced to move back out of my hometown I have suffered, but I have grown. I have been tempered by the fires of disappointment, loss, struggle, and heartache. I have learned how to grieve proper. I have learned how to let go and let God. And I have learned how to wait. Which, in all honesty, I’m still really bad at.
I am a man in progress.
I will not say that I am a man transformed. That’s past tense. I am someone who is still growing. Who is still learning from my mistakes — both past and present. I am someone who is still struggling from things that I haven’t fully let go of. Bad habits are hard to break. I’m living proof of that. I have learned how to not treat myself as a victim of the dark times; but a champion of them. I’m still breathing and that alone is an accomplishment that, at times, I did not think would be possible.
I am a man in progress. And progress is messy.
Five years ago I was a man adrift. In those five years I have moved (multiple times). In those five years I have traveled to New York City and Las Vegas. Last year alone I traveled to five different states. In those five years I have read over a hundred books — 117 to be precise. In those five years I have been fired, quit, laid off, and currently furloughed.
In those five years I have suffered heartbreak and had a resurgence of true grief over losing my Dad. In those five years I have experienced multiple times where I thought my life had reached a dead end and I was out of options. And I have risen out of the ashes each and every time.
Was it easy? No. Not by a long shot. Growth, true growth, never is.
During this time of isolation, take this time to take stock of where you truly want your life to be. Not some dream existence that someone else (or even yourself) have inflicted upon you. Take this time to cut your losses and prune the areas in your life that you’ve been meaning to but you thought that you weren’t prepared for. You’re prepared for it. Take this time to grow. To let go. To move on and forgive. Take this time to start being a better human being. A better friend. A better loved one. Even if it’s to yourself. Take this time to heal.
Growth is messy and hard. And it’s one of the best things that you can ever do for yourself.
